The Short Life and Long Death of Lily Luna Potter
by OswinningOswald
Summary: After Lily Potter is found dead, with a sleeping potion in hand, the world seems to lose it's grip on her friends and family. The results of her suicide are greater than she could have imagined. TRIGGER WARNING: suicide, eating disorder, self-harm
1. Prologue: Free

She had been planning this for 3 months. She almost grinned as she snuck out of her dorm, to run up to the Astronomy Tower. It was 4 am, no one was awake. She grew seemingly happier as she drew closer, toting a bag full of supplies. She was wearing a white dress, which spoke of summer, despite the frost that had only just abated. She counted her heartbeats as she took the stairs quickly, almost flying with freedom.

By the time she had reached the top, she was breathing harder. Her ribs moved in and out as she took deeper breaths. She sat down on the cold stone floor, pulling her bag in front of her to lie out what she brought.

A knife, gleaming sharp in the moonlight.

A Muggle plastic water bottle, full of a dark blue solution that gurgled ominously as she set it down.

A bit of parchment, crumpled up, which she smoothed against the ground.

A quill and some ink, shadowed by everything else.

She picked up the knife first, shaking in anticipation. As she brought it down in the crook of her elbow, on top of millions of other scars, she closed her eyes and bit on her lip at the pleasure it brought her. There was no need to bandage it up; she let the blood drip, dark red, onto her white dress, where it stained, an angry mark.

Then, after wiping her knife on the ground, she turned to the parchment. She had known that this would be the hardest part.

_I'm sorry_, she wrote. _I love you. _She signed it with a dash and an _L_. She clutched it tightly in her grip, determined not to write more. Then she picked up the water bottle, and began to drink. The liquid burned her throat and made her head hurt at first. She waited for a minute, and then her head began to get fuzzy.

She grabbed her knife tightly by the blade, digging into her palm, making her bleed, before taking it, and using it to make two large cuts: one down each of her forearms, perpendicular to all the other marks. She dug in the knife deeper than ever, wanting to scream from the pain, and from the freedom it brought her. The cuts were gushing now, and she was beginning to see white at the corners of her vision. Her body slumped against the wall, and one piece of her hair flew into her vision.

_"Red hair, red blood,"_ she thought. The feeling was gone from her arms, and the amount of peace she felt was indescribable. It was better than anything she had ever tried before. Better than drugs, better than blood, better than emptiness.

_"Red hair, red blood." _That was the last thing she thought, as she began to sleep.


	2. Lost

It was Dominique that found her, early in the morning, and it was Dominique whose scream echoed over the castle. Dom could instantly see what was wrong. The red that had dried mid-drip, the empty bottle, all the scars on her arms, and her ribs, not moving. She had gotten so skinny over the past year that Dominique could easily count the girl's ribs. For the first time in a long time, she was wearing something revealing enough that Dom could see her body. It was beautiful, in a grotesque way. All her angles were sticking out, her beautiful red hair was dried and broken.

"Lily," Dom said, beginning to shake her head. No. No. It couldn't be. Dom began to scream for help, her voice dry and painful in her throat. Lily. Lily. It was Lily, and she needed help. No one was awake, Dom began to think, until footsteps clattered on the stone, and a comfortingly familiar voice said, "Dom? What's the—"

"Lily," Dom said again choking her voice out. "Found her… like this."

"I'll get Poppy," Neville said, his face turning gray.

Dom nodded her head; she was unable to open her throat, for fear that the questions would pop out. Was it my fault? My fault? Did I drive her to this? Why? Why why why? Dom sank down on the floor, and kept staring at the blood stains, at the slightly open mouth, the closed eyes. At the knife sitting beside her, coated in a maroon sheen. Dom could see how dull the blade was; clearly this wasn't its first use. Everything spun in a sickening way. All she could see was Lily's red hair and Lily's red blood and LilyredLilyredLilyred. She closed her eyes and put her head between her knees and wished for someone to save her.

Footsteps once again clattered against the ground, bringing a breathless Neville and a pale and graying Madam Pomfrey. "Oh," she said, seeing Lily, seeing just how bad it really was. She conjured a stretcher and levitated Lily's limp form, along with everything that surrounded her. Neville pulled Dom up from the ground, and they followed Madam Pomfrey, who was walking quickly to the Hospital Wing while trying, in vain, to find a pulse, a heartbeat, anything.

Dom knew what was going to happen next, when they got there. They would try everything, in case there was some tiny spark of life within her. And they did. But Dom knew that there wasn't. She could tell when Madam Pomfrey rolled up her eyelids, and the brown pools were still. They were like pools of mud, hardened after a dry summer. Empty of life.

"Neville, go get her brothers. I'll floo St. Mungo's, to see if they have anything that could work, but it's unlikely. Tell them—" her voice cracked. "Tell them that their sister committed suicide last night in the early morning. Tell them that it's not their fault." Her eyes threatened to spill the tears they were holding in so precariously, and she turned to hurry away, rubbing her face with her sleeve.

"Dom," the headmaster said, "will you stay here… with her? I hate to leave you, but I need to get Albus and James."

Dom nodded. "Floo… Floo Ginny and Harry. And get Rose." He nodded, looking unsure. "And we need to tell all the family members before it gets out…" Dom trailed off, realizing how robotic she sounded.

"I will."

"Th-Thanks, Neville."

Dom sat down and took Lily's hand from the bed without even noticing what she was doing. She began to stroke the cold, freckled hand. Dom could see the bones in her hand without even trying.

"Why did you do it, Lily? I thought you were better. I stopped, why didn't you? I saw you eating, and I thought you were happy. You were laughing just yesterday. And now you're dead. Why?" Dom whispered, thinking back to last year, when they matched. They had both been chubby, and wanted to lose weight, so they started together. They did it together. They both started smoking, and purging. They were glamorous. They broke hearts together, all across the school. Dom and Lily, Lily and Dom. They had been fire and ice together. Every boy's dream. But Dom stopped over the summer. Lily didn't. And they grew apart.

"Lily, was it my fault? If I had kept at it, would you still be alive?" Tears began rolling down Dom's face. "Lily, Lily. Why?" She kept muttering under her breath as Madam Pomfrey appeared back in the room, looking drawn.

"Is there anything…?" Dom asked, gesturing to the body whose hand she had dropped as soon as she heard the older woman.

"There's one thing, it's a long shot." Madam Pomfrey took out her wand, and muttered an incantation under her breath. The blood flushed in Lily's cheeks for a second, before disappearing, leaving her pale under her freckles.

"Nothing," the nurse sighed. "I'm so sorry, Dominique."

"Not your fault," Dom choked out.

The Hospital Wing door opened with a crash, showing the sight of Neville and Albus, who seemed to be in hysterics.

"Dom! Dom, tell me they're lying. Tell me Lily isn't… She can't be…" And then his eyes fell on her lifeless form. Dom choked back a sob, seeing his expression.

"Lily, Lily no, please don't be, Lily, don't be dead, wake up, please wake up," he said, crouching over her, holding her gently.

"Mister Potter, I'm afraid she is gone," said Madam Pomfrey softly.

"No! She isn't! She's unconscious or something. Why aren't you doing your job? There's nothing wrong with her!"

"Look again."

Albus truly looked at his sister for the first time in over a year. He saw her bones, sticking out too far. The dried blood covering her arms and dress. How thin her face was. The crosshatching of cuts on her arms. The scars were in all shapes and sizes. Some were moon-shaped, like the end of her fingernails. Some were thin and deep, which echoed of a quill tip. But most had been cut by a knife. The same knife that sat next to her.

Albus sunk down to the floor. "Lily, Lily." He grasped at her hand, cold and stiff in death, and felt the crumpled piece of paper inside. He pried her fingers apart, in order to smooth out the paper and read it. The words inside caused him to curl into a ball by the side of her bed, shaking his head and whispering, "Lily."

"Albus, what does the paper say?" Dom asked, with a fearful expression. He balled it up and threw it in her direction. She bent down to pick it up, and read it. "No." She put it on the table, and sat back down in her chair, chin quivering.

"Where's James?" Madam Pomfrey asked.

"I have to go get him." And so Neville left again.

After James arrived, the room quieted as he looked at his sister, his only sister. "Why?" he asked, sounding broken.

"Poppy, may I use your fireplace to floo the Potters's?" Neville asked quietly.

"Of course."

They arrived quickly, and Rose ran from the Ravenclaw dormitories after Neville had gone to get her. There is nothing more painful in the world than the sound of parents who have lost their daughter. After that, Neville and Madam Pomfrey excused themselves to gather the rest of the family members, and give them privacy.

They circled around her bed, looking at her body, and the note she had left.

"Why did she do it? Do any of you know?" Ginny asked, looking around, not in blame, but in pain. She was in the kind of pain that only a mother can feel after losing her only daughter. "Lily."

The tears poured that day, as relatives came in one by one to see the her. The Potter girl. The one who killed herself, on March 10, 2024, at the age of 16.

She left them broken and reeling. They were lost without her.


	3. Hard

_September 1, 2024 10:30_

It was eerily quiet as they got on the platform. Everyone was thinking about Lily, how she was missing. Ginny could hear her voice, saying, "But Mum, can't I go now?" She reached into her pocket for the flask she had started keeping there, and took a deep drink as she waved to her sons.

Harry glanced at his wife, sad that she couldn't stop drinking, but lacking any real ability to stop her from doing it. He felt so lost without his daughter that he couldn't breathe sometimes. He and Ginny didn't fight, because they didn't have the energy to fight. They didn't talk. He went to work, hoping that it would be the day when a Dark wizard would finally kill him, and he could see Lily again.

"Bye, Mum," Albus said, leaving for his Seventh Year quietly, kissing Ginny on the cheek, able to smell the booze. "Bye, Dad," he said, hugging his father, then quickly walking away.

"Bye," they elder Potters both choked out, and reached for each others' hands, gripping tight.

"Let's go home," Harry said, looking at his half-drunk wife. She smiled gently at him with tears in her eyes.

On the platform, Albus looked around for Rose and Dom. His cheeks were sunken in, and his hands shook, however slightly, from lack of a cigarette. He spied a curtain of blonde hair – Dom – and walked over there with his shoulders hunched.

"Hey, Dom."

"Al." Dom's eyes were ringed with kohl, making her look like she had been up all night. Which she probably had.

"Got a smoke?"

"Yup." They both began to breathe in the chemicals, their bodies relaxing. Dom scanned the crowd with a bored expression on her face, looking for Rose's red hair that was so much like Lily's.

Albus looked at Dom with a hint of concern. He could see how desperately thin she was, and the scars up and down her arms. She was always high now, flying, even if she wasn't on drugs. Everything that she used to be died with Lily.

Dom looked back at Albus. She felt so guilty for everything he had become. It was all her fault, because without her, Lily wouldn't have started starving herself and cutting. Albus was skinny, and looked tired and hung over. His cheeks were sunken in and his eyes were huge, reflecting the train station around them. Their peers walked around them in a hushed silence, a façade of reverence, and a cover for them to gossip about the wild Weasleys and what they had become over the summer.

"I heard Dom… you know, the blonde one… I heard that she's done every drug available and has started selling her own pills."

"Well, I heard that Al will screw anything that moves."

Cackling laughter rang out, and was shushed by those with a modicum of respect.

Of course the rumors were going to fly, Dom thought. We've all gone mad. And it's my fault. Her eyes welled up as she slid sunglasses on, gestured to Al to follow her, and climbed onto the train, shaking her butt as she went.

The crowd, especially the boys, stared at her. Last year she had been the quiet girl who always wore black. This year, she was so different. Her long blonde hair was wavy and loose, and she was wearing clothing that amounted to little more than lingerie with shoes. She could feel their eyes on her, and was determined to give them a good show. She climbed up the steps leading to the train, and popped a hip, showing everyone her black lace thong.

The spark of enjoyment it gave her wasn't enough to wipe out the cold, empty, cloying feelings of guilt she had buried inside. Al followed her silently onto the train, and they went to go look for Rose.

They poked their heads – one blonde, one black – into each compartment, looking for a flash of red hair. They continued until they reached one that they could hear someone ruffling pages.

"Rose," Al said, grinning a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Dom gave a sigh, and pushed open the door to the compartment.

"Hey, Ro," Dom said, throwing herself onto the seat next to Rose. Rose looked up from the massive book she was flipping through – _A Magical History of Wizards Who Tried to Cheat Death_ – and gave them both a giant, entirely fake, grin.

"Hi guys! Seventh Year, I can hardly believe it!" Dom loved her for this, for trying to pretend that everything was normal. She could see in Rose's eyes that she kept looking for Lily, out of the corner of her eyes. And, of course, Dom could guess the purpose of the giant book – Rose was trying to bring Lily back.

Dom's guess was totally and completely correct. Rose felt so guilty for letting Lily die. They were more than cousins, they had been almost sisters. Their names were similar, and their hair was similar, and they thought alike. Both were high achievers, in the beginning, at least.

Al didn't think about Lily. He couldn't. It hurt him too much. He thought instead about the Muggle girl he had been fucking over the summer, about how tight she was, about her curves.

The cousins chatted amicably, trying to ignore the elephant in the room. Of course, Lily had always made conversation awkward. As the only Potter or Weasley to become a Slytherin for thousands of years, she always made a splash. The green and silver had set off her hair, and her palor was only intensified by her dorm under the lake. Lily had loved challenging the status quo, and she did that, even on her dying day.

As Rose, Dom, and Al, talked, they didn't know that someone was listening outside and trying not to cry at their stiff conversation. Scorpius Malfoy, like Lily, was supposed to be in a different house. Scorpius Malfoy, like Lily, had faced judgment from his house in the beginning, but Scorpius Malfoy, like Lily, quickly adjusted to his house – Ravenclaw. And he looked beautiful in blue.

Scorpius took a deep breath and stood up, and knocked quickly on the compartment door, before walking in of his own accord.

"Hey, Rose," he said to the redhead, who smiled absently at him before looking down at her nails.

"Hey, Scorp," she said to her fingers. Scorpius waved at the other two in the compartment, who smiled back at him. After he and Rose had both been Sorted into Ravenclaw, he had done his best to befriend the Weasleys. A lot of the Ravenclaw had hatred for Scorpius. Rose was the first one to become his friend in First Year. And for that, he would be forever grateful to her. Even if he did really like the way she looked in a swimming costume. But that was more to do with his obsession of the Weasley body.

He had been addicted to Lily Potter since Fourth Year, when he was a dreamy and horny14-year-old and she a clever 13-year-old who knew how to get what she wanted. Her robes were always half-thrown off, her shirt was unbuttoned halfway, and her skirt was rolled up so high that boys of all ages fell after her. She had developed quite quick, and with that, and her dark Slytherin look, she was enchanting. She had always been pretty, but with her new look, everyone seemed to notice her. She was the new whore of Hogwarts, and she seemed to revel in that fact. She wore a black bra all the time that showed through her white shirt, and too much eyeliner. Her hair was always mussed, as though she had just come from shagging someone, and it was a commonly spread rumor (which some speculated she started herself) that she never wore panties.

Scorpius was obsessed from the first day of his Fourth Year, when she walked in, making a scene and catching eyes. He had always thought of her as his alter ego. In another life, it would have been he who had been at the Slytherin table, glaring at the rest of the school with a dark, sexy look, and she who would have been at the Ravenclaw table, twirling her hair and laughing.

He would have been the one who would have died.

Once, he had gotten to kiss her. They were at a Gryffindor party, and everyone was drunk, and it was his Fifth Year, and he had just turned 16 and thought he was the shit. But he wasn't that drunk. But she was. Little Lily Potter, the youngest of the Potters, was staggering around, sexy as ever. She was falling off her heels, and falling out of her dress, and falling all over the boys. When she fell on Scorpius, he had grabbed her around the waist, and kissed her hard. She had looked so pretty, and he wanted her so badly, that he couldn't help but to kiss her. When she responded – albeit a bit sloppily – he pushed her back into one of the walls, and pinned her there. He ran his hands along her arms, lifting them above her head as he trailed his lips down her neck and along her dress. He could hear her gentle pants as he kept her hands pinned with just one hand, and moved his other hand down to caress her tits through the straining black fabric. He kissed her hard and fast and furiously, penetrating her mouth with his tongue as she strained to press closer to him. She began to lead him upstairs by his hand, giggling at all the people whispering about him, when she suddenly clasped her hands to her mouth, and ran to a corner and threw up. She was paler than Scorpius had ever seen her, and he ran to catch her as she fainted. Then he picked her up, and carried her over to a couch, where he sat her down with her head in his lap. He stayed there until morning, just as she was waking up, and he pretended to be asleep as she kissed him on the cheek and pattered upstairs.

It was the happiest night of his life. This girl – woman – whom he had loved for so long was lying in his lap, a mess of red hair strewn everywhere.

Scorpius took a deep breath, bringing himself back to the present, back to the quiet compartment. The others were talking about Quidditch, and he could see that they knew what he was thinking about. It was what they all were thinking about.

"It's hard, isn't it," Scorpius suddenly said. "Without her here." They all turned to him with a look of relief that someone had brought it up.

Rose gripped his arm before speaking. "I feel so… guilty. That I couldn't save her."

"Rose, it's my fault!" Dominique practically shouted. "I was the one who started her on the path that led to… it. We were starving ourselves to be pretty. And, and cutting. And drinking and smoking and I think I ruined her," she spilled out. "And its all my fault and I'm so sorry." Dom's eyes were blue and watery, staring at them all, begging for forgiveness.

"Dom, shh," Albus said, moving over to stroke her hair. "It's not your fault." She shook her head. "Maybe it's everyone's fault, that we didn't notice. I should have been a better brother. But you can't blame yourself, Dommie."

She took a gulp and nodded, but they could all sense her unwillingness to agree.

Once the elephant in the room was gone, they could talk like real people, instead of the automatons that they had become earlier.

Rose's giant white cat, Missy, jumped up halfway through the conversation onto Rose and started meowing.

"I better take her for a walk." Scorpius nodded; he was used to this.

"You… er… you walk your cat, Ro?" Albus asked, tilting his head to one side.

"Yes… doesn't Dai fancy a fly every now and then?" Albus looked at his dark brown barn owl and scowled.

"Whatever."

Rose strode out of the room, clutching the furball tight to her chest. "Rose out." She slammed the compartment door behind her.

"…Did she just say 'Rose out?'" Scorpius asked, confusion marring his aristocratic face.

"She watched a lot of American films over the summer," Dom said, trying not to laugh.

They all laughed a little. It was forced, and sad, but it made them a little bit better. When Rose got back and they were still laughing, she laughed too. And things got a little bit better for all of them. They could be strong together.


	4. Guilt

_Her body was writhing, flushed in pleasure. It didn't matter who it was, faces flashed by as she bit her lip and moaned. The faces of boys and girls, men and women. Anyone. People. It didn't matter to her, the only thing that mattered was whether they would fit her description. She may have well made a flyer, listing her requirements for her many, many summer flings. "JOB OFFER: one-night stand. Must be reasonably hot, and above the age of 16. Must know how to pleasure a girl. If interested, please contact Rose Weasley."_

_ The tongue that was buried deep inside her gave a little flick and she shuddered, her back arching as she gripped the mattress for support. Her mind was beautifully, wonderfully, blank._

_ "Oh, Merlin, oh, oh." She panted, gripping the head closer to her. "Yes, that's it!"_

_ And then, everything suddenly went dark. She found herself in a beautiful meadow in the middle of the Forbidden Forest, in a beautiful wedding dress. But she was running. There was terror in the air and there were menacing shadows leering at her._

_ "Roseeeee," a voice called after her. "I'm going to get you, Rose." It was a female voice that made her spine tingle. "Rose," it said, the voice echoing all at once, as if it was being spoken by multiple mouths. The voice laughed, coming from all around her as she tripped through the woods, dirtying her beautiful dress. She didn't notice how loudly her teeth were clattering together as she ran, petrified by the voice._

_ "It's your fault, Rose, you know it is!" The voice was loud, suddenly right behind her, and filled with laughter. She ran faster through the eerily silent forest, looking behind her just in time to trip over a root, and received a stiletto heel in the back for her efforts._

_ "You killed me, Rose!" The voice was right behind her, if only she could turn over, but she was pinned to the ground by the sharp shoe._

_ "I didn't kill you! I didn't kill anyone!"_

_ "But you could have stopped me. You have to find out what happened to me. You have to stop him, Rose! You know you do!" The heel was removed from her back, and Rose rolled over, ready to face any kind of monster that the Forest played host to. _

_ It was Lily's corpse._

Rose woke with a start, panting, and trying to restrain herself from screaming out. It was quiet and dark. Rose guessed that it was around 3 AM. She pushed herself out of her bed, shaking. Her skin was shiny and clammy from the cold sweat that had taken her. There were salty tears on her face, and she was red and gasping. She stumbled over to the window and looked out at the moon, but all she could see was Lily's corpse.

Her hair was still beautiful, red and long, and she was wearing the white dress she had been wearing the day she… the day it happened. But her face. Her eyes, her dark brown eyes, were completely black and rotting. She was covered in mud and maggots, as if she had dug herself out of the coffin that rested in Godric's Hollow, next to her namesake. Her skin was cracking and peeling off, and where it looked like she should have been bleeding, there was black. Her bright red mouth had been stretched wide, a skeleton smile, showing her sharp incisors off to Rose.

But the worst part of the dream was the part where Lily had blamed her. "It's your fault," she had said. "You have to find out what happened to me. You have to stop him!"

"Who's him?" Rose whispered, her breath fogging up the window she placed her forehead on.

Rose, unlike her mother, believed in Divination. After Trelawney retired, a woman named Lucy Roux was hired. She was young. She was pretty, and she was smart. And she didn't believe in classical Divination. Instead, she taught students about their connections with the world. "Dreams," she told them, "are a way for contact from somewhere to your unconscious mind. Many dreams are telling of what is happening in your subconscious. However, there are dreams that seem to come from nowhere. These are messages from others. Someone who is thinking hard about something related to you that the magical part of them, their core, actually makes contact with your magical core, and that is turned into a dream thanks to your unconsciousness. Even the dead can send these messages, and so too can Muggles, although it is harder for both of these groups. The magical spark inside everyone, life, has this ability to reach others on levels that we don't fully understand yet, and that I doubt we ever will."

She preached to them karma, and kindness, telling them that any strong emotions or hurtful actions would have a greater impact on the world of them. "Negative thoughts and actions are transformed into negative power, which corrodes not only your own happiness, but also the very lives of others." She was Rose's favorite teacher, and the one Rose knew she needed to go find.

Rose pulled a dressing gown over her father's old Quidditch shirt that she liked to sleep in, and slid her feet into the slippers that Scorpius had gotten her for her birthday last year. They allowed the wearer to walk silently, and were also very, very soft. She grabbed her wand, and slid her glasses up her nose, wiping the sweat of her face as she walked across the dorm.

She crept down the stairs to the Ravenclaw common room. Normally, there would be one or two students out there, still studying, but it was the first few weeks, and they all knew enough to sleep while there was the chance. Rose slipped open the large wooden door, and her red hair flashed in the moonlight before she was gone.

The shadows in the halls as she silently tripped down the stairs seemed longer, menacing, but nothing could scare Rose more than her dream did. She was invincible. The portraits – the ones that were awake, at least – ignored her. She was a Weasley, which meant that she had thousands of reasons that she could be awake.

Rose finally arrived. The ladder descended silently, and Rose pulled herself up into the Divination classroom. There were cushions, yoga mats, and Indian tapestries draped all over the room, as well as political posters. And in the center there was a slim woman sitting in cross-legged, with her eyes closed.

"Prof-Professor Roux?" Rose whispered.

"Hello, dear." The woman opened her eyes and relaxed, leaning against a large cushion. "What can I help you with at this hour?"

"I'm sorry to bother you at this hour—"

"No trouble, no trouble. Sit down." She grabbed a pack of cigarettes from a small shelf built into the wall, and lit it. "Want one?"

"Sure, thanks." Rose gratefully accepted the cigarette and lit it with the tip of her own wand, dragging in the smell. She was glad to have a few moments to collect her thoughts as she sat down, sinking against a roll of blankets.

"What's wrong, Rose?"

"A dream, Professor. I think it was a message."

"From who?" the older woman asked, leaning forward with interest.

"Lily." Professor Roux's eyes widened, and a look of pity and sadness came over her.

"Rose, are you sure—"

"It wasn't a subconscious dream! I was dreaming about something from this summer and then it got cut off, almost. It was a message! Lily told me, she told me that it was my fault. She told me that I had to find out what happened to her, and stop him!"

"Him? Who is him?"

"I don't know. But it was her corpse, and she was chasing me through a forest, and I was wearing a wedding dress, and her eyes were black and rotted." Her voice shook.

The teacher's eyes flashed. "I believe you, Rose," she whispered in lilting words, her French accent suddenly strong. "You _have_ to find out what happened to her. She needs you to. Something happened to her to drive her to suicide. We've always known that. But it poses a danger to others. Warn your family, and ask them to help you. There's a reason that you had this dream. I don't know what it is, but this dream is from Lily. She used all her strength in the Beyond to contact you. I'll reckon that she's watching now. It's up to you."

Rose's eyes filled with tears that threatened to roll down her face. "Thank you." She smiled, stood up, and left.

"Oh, and Rose? You may not like what you find." Rose didn't here these words. She should have. She would have been more prepared.

Rose walked around the castle for a little bit, not knowing where she was going and not really caring. The caretaker, Smith, was long asleep. And besides, he wouldn't care. She walked around for an hour, letting the significance of what happened wash over her. She stumbled back to the Ravenclaw common room, shivering. Her skin was as cold as ice.

Rose climbed up the stairs to the boys' dorms. She walked in to one of the rooms and got under the covers with Scorpius. He sighed, and snaked his arm around her, all without really waking up. Rose was safe, for the night, at least.

**A/N: Chapter four! Time to start leaving me reviews, my lovelies. And I apologize for the shortness of this chapter, but this is where the story really begins. From here on in, things will be interesting. And yes, the things that Rose dreams about really did happen over the summer. More on that later.**


	5. Connections

_Every now and then, Dark forces swirl. The world is strewn with ancient Dark artifacts just waiting to have their moment in the sun. Voldemort was the result of this stirring. The evil forces latched onto him, as a child, and twisted his mind until they were sure they had a new champion. That the Dark would win. _

_But he didn't. So the Dark forces, particularly the ones inside Hogwarts, lay dormant until a few years before Lily's death. _

Scorpius Malfoy had a lovely dream. He dreamt that Lily was there, and that he had gotten to hold her, and she had smiled for him.

And then he woke up, sun shining on his eyes, and a girl clinging to him.

It was exactly like his dream, but twisted, in a sick sort of way. The red hair was there, and the girl, but it wasn't her.

He could have pretended for a moment that he was still dreaming if it wasn't for her face. Rose wore an expression of total agony, and she whimpered and bit her lip. Scorpius didn't know what to do. He was considering slapping her – _that's what they do in old movies, right? But isn't that when they're awake? Am I supposed to use smelling salts, or whatever those things are? _– when Rose woke up.

"Lily – I, she – Professor Roux – I can't, Scorpius, you have to help me."

"What happened? Why are you in my bed? I thought we talked about boundaries last year…"

"Focus, Scorp." She sat up and bored her brown eyes into his gray ones. "It's about Lily. We have to help her."

"Rose… she's dead."

"I had a dream about her, and she wants our help."

Scorpius understood, then. To an extent, at least. Because he wanted to help Lily, too. "C'mon, love, we have to get the others." She had never been happier to be his friend.

_manquer à_

Dominique Weasley was outside, before anyone was awake, in the cold, smoking a cigarette. She had started because it had looked good, she had thought. There was a certain glamour to the act, very French. Her mother would have been proud, if she knew. But she continued because there was a certain dirtiness about the action. She was sucking in smoke, and it was delicious, and she believed what she looked like on the inside and outside should reflect her thoughts.

And now she did it because Lily did, and because she couldn't eat, but she was hungry all the time.

_(empty was good empty was strong empty was Lily and she was Lily she should have been Lily Lily always was better anyway always empty strong empty Lily should have been her not Lily Lily was happy and alive and Dom was fat and chunky and weighted and Lily was perfect and air and empty and free strong empty and more alive than Dom could ever be.) _

And it was better that way. She could feel herself being freed. _Where am I going to?_ she asked, wondering where the weight was going. _Maybe, if I'm skinny enough, I can fly up and be with her. _

She through her cigarette on the ground, and rubbed it into the dust with the toe of her boot, before walking back up to the dorm. She was itchy again. _Who did I make a promise to this time? I don't think I have. _She needed to feel like she was flying. She needed anything.

Dominique Weasley hadn't slept for more than 5 hours a night since the day she found Lily. Dead. Lifeless. It wasn't supposed to be Lily. No one would have cared if it had been Dom. But not Lily. She was always so alive, in everything she did.

Dom climbed the stairs into her dormitory, where she flew up the stairs, grabbed what she needed, and left again. Almost in a trance, she walked up to where she and Lily would meet: The Astronomy Tower.

She leaned over the edge of the window in wonderment. Why hadn't Lily simply flung herself off the edge? It would have been faster, and she would have been free. But, then again, freedom was what Dom wanted. Lily just wanted someone to love her. And the more people that stopped, the further she fell.

_Lily_. That, that corner was where her broken body was. And nearby, that was where the note was. The note that they found crumpled in her hand as they were about to bury her. Ginny's wails could have been heard all across Britain, Dom had thought at the funeral.

The funeral. Dom lit another cigarette, blowing rings of smoke off the tower. It had been a nightmare. Lily wasn't Lily in that long black dress. She wore almost no makeup, except for the pounds of foundation that had been caked over her scars. Her hair was brushed, and clean, and not messed up with braids tucked in. She wasn't herself. Dom had taken over for her. At her funeral, Dom stood off to the side and rubbed her arms. There was one scar that she kept going over and over.

It was a heart. It was Lily's heart, on Dom's skin. They were blood sisters, tied together by magic and love and hate. They carved deep into their skins with the tip of a knife, and watched the blood begin to drool down their arms. They pressed it together, and promised to be each other's soul sister.

Dom's heart was covered up by makeup, when Lily was buried. It didn't seem right. The blood running within Dom was from a source that was gone, that was never coming back.

Dominique Weasley did not cry. But Dominique Weasley had lost the best part of herself.

And so, she stood there, looking out the window at the day, the frost still on the ground, the sun barely up. She put out her cigarette on the ground. Looking down at the ground, she wondered what would happen if she just jumped off the window and fell. Would she fly?

_Lily flew_. With that thought, Dom took the blade that she had been hiding, and dug it into the skin on her arms, crossing white and red lines, but never crossing the heart that was slightly raised from her skin.

The silver slipped across the skin, giving her something to feel. The sharp pain masked the dull, cold, ache that she was carrying around. The blood began to bead and roll across her arm, and Dom licked it off her own skin, tasting the metallic quality. She couldn't let Lily's blood be spilt. It tasted dirty, and warm, and for some reason, she always wanted more. It was addictive, like everything she did these days.

The blade slashed across the skin near her elbow, the scars and fresh wounds creating a roadmap of blood.

Even if it hurt, it helped Dom feel closer to Lily. That moment right as she lost a little bit too much blood to be healthy, that was the moment she always relished. Dom could see Lily as her head would grow a little bit fuzzier and her body would feel lighter.

She could feel herself growing smaller and smaller, so small she would almost disappear, like Alice. _If I fell down a rabbit hole, would anyone notice?_ Dom pushed herself up so that she was first sitting, then standing on the window sill. _If I fell, would I bounce? If I took a dive, like Lily could have? _She was looking over the side, her nails digging into the stone walls. _The ground is frozen, I bet if I went headfirst, my skull would crack._

But bloody hell, before she offed herself, she wanted to make a bang. Change something. Try to save the rest of them, even if she couldn't save herself or Lily. But Al and Rose and Scorpius, they all needed her.

In fact, they were looking for her at that moment.

After Rose and Scorpius went on an Al-hunt, the three of them began to run around the castle looking for Dom. First they searched the Hufflepuff dorms that she should have been in, but never was. Then, they began walking around the castle at random, shivering from the damp coldness that permeated their bedclothes, and too frantic to try a Warming Charm.

Rose thought about Dom. She was worried about her, what this would do to her. She and Lily had been so close, soul sisters, practically.

_à retenir_

_They were glamorous. Oh, sure, Dom was the shy one. But they were beautiful and young and popular. It had started in Lily's Second Year and Dom's Third. The press had just started to focus on chubby little Lily and Dom, the nerds of the Wotter clan. They had always been gorgeous, of course, but the previous year, they were mocked ruthlessly in the__ presses. Rose had been mocked too. All three of them hadn't quite passed the awkward stage where baby fat met gangly limbs and acne. They all blushed a lot, and one day, Lily exclaimed that she just couldn't take it, and, that summer, they were all going to get pretty and perfect. _

_ They had made a pact, the three, that come fall, the presses would worship them, and that everyone would be shocked. _

_ They vowed to think before eating, and to always burn more calories than they ate, and to be perfect. Rose found stacks of books that boasted of clear skin spells and perfect hair, leading them to try these unknown spells. Sometimes they worked, and sometimes someone's hair was turned blue, but by the end of the summer, the results could be seen. Although Rose hadn't quite mastered the not-eating concept, she had mastered the spells that would burn off the food, and she was happy and confident,_

_ She was finally pretty. Not the way that Dom and Lily had become, dark and enticing, but merely pretty. She was happy, and she believed in herself. She was content to be Rose. She had learned how to be happy with what she had become. But then again, Rose never was the one that they should have been worried about._

_ Dom and Lily ate less and less, before finally stopping. Oh, they ate, but barely enough to live. They would eat an apple, and occasionally some cheese. But never much. Dom retreated into herself, dressing in baggy clothes to hide her bones that stuck out from her skin that she couldn't see, and the thin red lines that had begun to pop up all over her hips, legs, and upper arms. The black and yellow colours of Hufflepuff cast sickly shadows on her gaunt face. She slept too much and practically lived in the Hospital Wing, always complaining of a headache, or stomach ache, and always taking just enough healing potions that she would pass out for a couple of hours, miss class, and dream of happier things._

_ Lily, on the other had, seemed to grow more social as she grew skinnier. Maybe it was something about the Slytherin house, but they seemed to accept this new, skinny, sad Lily as they never had before. She was their queen. Somehow, she was everyone's best friend and everyone's favorite shag. She was a common feature in the broom closets and at parties, and her name was always on everyone's tongue._

_ They were disgusted by her and yet __fascinated. "That Lily Potter, so bold, so brash, what a slut, but she ALWAYS looks good! And why is she always hanging out with Dominique?" Her cousin-shadow was mentioned as an afterthought, everyone wondering why the fiery ice queen would associate with her quiet, nerdy cousin._

_le présent_

Rose snapped out of her memories, and knew where Dom would be. She turned around from the classroom the three teens were poking their head in and started marching down the corridor, ignoring Scorpius and Al's shouts to, "wait up, Rosie!"

She walked fast, the heels of her winter boots tapping on the ground as she strode along. Albus thought that she had never looked more like her mother.

"Oi, Rose! Where the bloody hell are you going?" Scorpius yelled after the redhead, who sighed before replying.

"Astronomy Tower, where else?" The two boys sped up before landing in line with Rose, who just shook her head as she climbed up the stairs.

"Dom? Dominique Weasley? Are you up here?" Rose's voice curled up and around in the air like smoke before finally entering Dom's ears. "Yes," Dom mouthed, her voice trickling out of her throat almost like an afterthought.

_un moment_

Rose was loud, vibrant, always full of life. Not fat, but healthy, and not too skinny. Permanent. Her hair, spelled to curl smoothly, was the brightest red that Scorpius had ever seen. That's what he was thinking about as they climbed the stone steps to the Astronomy Tower, and his ears popped with the height. Her hair.

Lily's hair was red, but it wasn't the same kind of red. Her hair was auburn. Dark, kind of smoky. Like the red of the last rays of sun. Seductive.

But Rose's hair was a colour that probably didn't exist in nature. It wasn't orange, but red. Practically neon, but it worked. Light glinted on it. Her hair was her defining feature. Of all the Weasleys, her hair was the brightest.

And that's what he thought about.

_l__e chagrin_

"Dom, I had a dream about Lily."

Very few things shocked Dominique Weasley, and this was not one of them. "So? You needed to come and tell me that why, exactly?"

"She needs our help." Dom believed it. "She told me that we have to 'stop him,' and I don't know who 'he' is. I went to see Professor Roux and she told me that we had to figure out what happened to her. What made her…"

As Rose trailed off, they all looked to the corner where she… where she killed herself.

"We have to help her," said Al, his voice cracking. "She's my little sister, and if we don't…"

They all nodded. Al had effectively stopped talking. Oh, he would say a sentence here and there. But the most he had spoken in almost a year was at Lily's funeral, when he talked about everything that he wished he had told her and everything that, had she lived, she would have heard.

"…_I wish I had told her I loved her more. And I wish she had lived to see me leave school first, and I wish that I could have been there for her graduation. I wish I could tell her how proud I am of her, and how beautiful and clever she is. And on her wedding day, I would have told the person she was marrying how lucky they were. And they would have agreed, because she was everything. She is everything. She's the light when the stars wink, and the sound when it rains, and she's always here. Because the ones you love aren't really ever gone. They're just around the corner. I hope you're happy, Lily, wherever you are. I hope that you are with Dad's parents, and I hope that Uncle Fred is there, too, and Lupin and Tonks, and everyone that we love, that loves us, and that died for us. And I hope your happier than you ever were here, and I hope that you know that I miss you."_

By the end of his speech, everyone had been crying, including Al. People weren't supposed to be dying, everyone had known that. Voldemort was dead, and this young girl, the daughter of the savior of mankind, she shouldn't be dead. She was everything that the adults had all been working for.

And they had a hard time getting over it.

As Rose explained her dream, Dom could feel herself growing faint. It was real, she was convinced. Rose had always had a knack for that kind of thing. Her dreams always meant something.

It was time to discover why Lily Potter was dead, and to find who was to blame.

**A/N: Things are getting interesting now(: This chapter is intended to teach about Dom's (and Lily's) background(s). The subtitles are in French (thank you, Google Translate) and if they're wrong, tell me. They mean, in order, to miss, remember, the present, a moment, and sorrow. And a big thank you to reviewer .Lile' who encouraged me to update, even though I have finals this week. Hopefully the length of this chapter makes up for the lateness of its upload? Sure.**

**Lily's corpse will animate and find you if you don't review. (Kidding. Sort of.)**

**xx, Sarah**


	6. Lust

_In the bowels of the school, in the middle of the winter, a year ago or so, Dark things had began to rise from their summer hibernation. They needed to save their strength. The sun would take too much energy to fight, and there was no one there in the summer, but that's beside the point. The evil rose within the pipes of the school and slithered up between bricks and mortar, looking for someone to suck on and take over. The evil smelled of mold, and would climb and slither within the school. They flourished in the Slytherin common room, where it was always wet and dark and dank. And the Slytherins were easy targets, their minds so susceptible to the influence of the Dark forces._

He hadn't understood what was going on until they came for him, the first night, and told him what to do. His eyes glowed red, instead of the usual brown, and he knew what he had had to do. The Darkness had to be passed.

* * *

><p>Rose sat in a corner of the library, procrastinating. She knew she had schoolwork to do, but there were so many other things to think about, like Lily, and why she was dead, and about how Rose hadn't shagged anyone in months and she was beginning to get the itchy feeling. Rose needed someone. It was too hard to handle everything going on without the occasional – or not so occasional – shag. She closed the book she had been staring through with a snap that caused the third year Ravenclaws sitting at the next table to glare at her. Rose rolled her eyes, knowing that she could finish the essay later.<p>

Right then, she was a girl on a mission.

"Mission: Get Laid," she whispered to herself, flicking through her mental little black book. She began to talk to herself as she left the library. "Let's see, there's Alec Thomas… no, he graduated. And so did Ashley Clerc. Oh, of course, I know. Dar! Daray Zabini, perfect. That's exactly what I need."

She picked up her pace, deciding to look for Al and snag the Marauder's Map before searching for Dar all over the school. Rose walked quickly down the corridor, turning and walking smack into Dar, bumping her head into his chin, and causing her to topple into him so that they fell backwards.

"Hey, Dar," Rose grinned sheepishly. The Slytherin smiled back at her. She had woken up a few times in his bed last year.

"How've you been, Rose? Getting along?" Dar knew how she felt, with Lily gone, because Dar missed the girl too. They had been… well, not friends. But they were housemates, at the least.

"I've been better. What were you looking for, perchance?"

"Oh, just wandering." The boy drove his dark blue eyes straight through her, giving Rose a tingling sensation. "How about you?" he asked.

"Mmm," she said, biting on her lower lip. "I was going to go to the kitchens. You see, I'm absolutely famished." Rose rolled her shoulders back, groaning a little bit. It was pathetic, she knew, but she needed to be fucked hard and dirty at that moment. There were too many other things going on, and she didn't want romance. She wanted to forget.

Catching onto her game, Dar took a step towards her. "That works out perfectly." He took another step, backing her into a wall, and trapping her there with his arms on either side. "I've got quite an appetite myself," he growled, lowering his lips to hers. His mouth was strong and warm and forceful, and it made Rose feel safe, or at least safer than she had been able to feel for a long time.

Her stomach clenched, needing him more. Rose was like an addict. Once she got the first taste, she couldn't stop until she ran out of her substance. Unlike her cousins, she didn't have any particular liking for drugs, or alcohol, or tobacco. She enjoyed all three, but Rose Weasley preferred the salty taste of someone else's sweat to the cool pills running down her throat. She preferred someone else's teeth nipping at her waist to the dizzy feeling of too many shots. She preferred something a little larger than a cigarette in her mouth.

Dar moved his hot mouth down her neck, sucking and biting as he went. Rose gripped the back of his shirt, feeling her body strain forward to meet his, wanting him. His tongue darted out, licking underneath her shirt. He undid the first button on her blouse, dipping his head down to suck on her sensitive skin around her collarbone.

Rose tangled her hands in his hair, gripping it tight. _Merlin, she had missed this._

"Do you want to, to go somewhere?" he asked, his voice hoarse from longing as he tore his head away from her chest to look her in the eye. _He had missed this Rose, the one that thirsted for skin._

"Your dorm is closer," she said, biting her lip, and weaving his tie around her hand. Suddenly, she yanked his head back down towards hers. Her tongue licked around his lips, before she bit down quickly. _Just a quick taste of what he's in store for_, she thought with a smirk. "Come on."

Rose walked in front of him, her too-short skirt swaying and hypnotizing Dar. He shoved his hands into his pockets, trying not to think about what was about to happen.

Rose Weasley had always been the only one that could make Dar react this way. She was beautiful, and amazing, and fiery. She was full of life. She was perfect to him. He didn't love her, but he could. He so easily could, but he knew that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted _this_. Passion, here, there, now. Not a relationship.

Dar trotted forward a ways, catching up to Rose and draping his arm around her shoulders. She immediately tightened up, wondering what the _hell_ he thought he was doing.

"Relax," Dar laughed. "You looked a little cold." She smiled, and they kept walking to his dorm. When they got there, they glanced around the common room, checking that no one was missing. He grabbed her hand and they raced up the stairs to his dormitory. They fell on the bed, lips crashing and hearts beating. Rose could feel her pulse double in anticipation, and her mind suddenly clear itself.

Dar lowered his mouth to Rose's neck, biting and sucking, giving her chills down her spine. She tore off his clothes and then hers. He slipped a condom on quickly and they quickly fumbled for each other. Rose tucked her head into his neck, trying not to let a tear slip down her cheek. She hated herself for doing this but she had to forget.

She had to forget Lily.

Because she was Rose Weasley, bright and alive and full of life, as much as she could wish, she couldn't become Lily.

She dug her nails into the boy's back, as he shuddered above her, his arms straining as he thrust into her. And it wasn't great but it would work because Rose was sick and tired of feeling empty and cold and the boy over her made her feel full and warm if only for a moment.

And then it was over and her tears had dried and he was asleep. She was a shadow, stealing out of the room and back to the Ravenclaw dorms, back to Scorpius, the only one who knew how she loved Lily and how she was jealous of her.

Scorpius had loved Lily, and had wanted her more than anything from the depths of his heart. Rose had loved her, sure, she always would. But more than anything, she wanted to be Lily. To become her, in the truest sense of the word.

Sure, Rose seemed happy being herself. The secret, though, that she hadn't been able to admit to anyone but Scorpius, lingered in her head as she ghosted down the empty corridors, not even caring what time it was. She didn't even know, at that point.

She had been jealous of Lily, and Dom, too, to some extent. They had become beautiful, and even if Dom did sink into herself, she had turned into the most beautiful ghost Rose had ever seen. And Lily was beautiful and popular and Scorpius loved her and Rose wanted someone like Scorpius to love her like that.

Because he was perfect and kind and sweet and the least messed-up person that she had ever met.

And to some extent, maybe Rose was in love with Scorpius. But not like Scorpius was in love with Lily.

* * *

><p><em>Rose had once, only once, dreamed about Scorpius. And, as we know, Rose's dreams mean more to her than the average flower. They were walking along a beach, her in a long black dress, almost the twin of the one she wore to Lily's funeral, him in a suit. And they weren't talking, or touching, and Rose didn't even think Scorpius could see her. She tried to move her hands to grab for him, but all she could do was keep walking beside him, trying in vain to get her muscles to move toward him, to hold him close, to comfort him, for she could see the tears rolling down his face as he walked along the beach, looking out toward the fog that surrounded him.<em>

_"Scorpius," she tried to say, wanting him to see her. But his tears only rolled faster, bigger, and longer, down his suit and down the slope of the beach, into the sea. His tears started running, and his form started melting away._

_He became two long tracks of tears running into the ocean._

_"SCORPIUS!" she had screamed, wanting to throw herself into the ocean, to hold him close. _

_And then, she jerked awake, feeling the tears running down her own face._

* * *

><p><strong>xxSarah<strong>

**PS I'll be posting other things soon, read them if you want? They're not like this at all. There's one next gen, and some Jily (my OTP, thank you very much)**

**Also much love to any and all reviewers from the last chapter! **


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